Mark Brennaman, M.Ed.
Oklahoma City, OK
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Defeating Violent Memories By Mark Brennaman In October, 1999 I became a victim of a senseless, unprovoked act of violence that left several scars on my neck. I survived and the assailant is in prison, yet I will never really be the same. To shave is to see one of the scars. Until recently, to see the scar was to trigger a visual memory of the violent act - I'd "see" the assailant's rage-filled face behind me. My first solution was to stop shaving and trust my hair was properly combed. I just didn't want to see the scar in a mirror to avoid the memory of an ugly event that nearly claimed my life. The dilemma worsened with each passing day. Instead of feeling better with time for surviving, I began to remember the terrible event more often and more vividly. It seemed as though I experienced the attack day after day. I finally sought help. My doctor's first question to me was, "Do you have a good relationship with your father?" I said, "Yes. We have a great relationship." The doctor then asked if he had taught me how to shave. Before I could answer that question, a memory I had forgotten for many, many years popped in my head, and I immediately smiled! "Doctor," I replied, "This is so cool. I remember standing at my Dad's side as a little boy, infatuated with the process of shaving. It got to the point that when he shaved in the mornings I was always there watching him, asking endless questions. 
"My Dad bought me a little plastic 'razor' and it even had a little knob on the bottom of the handle that opened the top, just like his real razor. The blade was a piece of cardboard that looked like a razor blade."After that, I got to smear shave cream all over my face and shave with my Dad." My doctor then suggested that I think of this fun memory every time I shaved to displace the memory of the attack. Everyone in my family remembers my little plastic razor after all these years. It has been so much fun reaching back to my boyhood, a time when I trusted everyone and yearned for the future. The "new" memory has replaced my violent memory. I not only get to feel the love my Dad showed me when I shave today, I get to remember what it's like to be innocent once again. Precious memories are made in an instant and last forever. I am so thankful my Dad had the patience back then to let me "shave" so I can shave today without visualizing an ugly event. The memory alone has strengthened an already strong relationship. What made me very happy then is making me happier today. Bless you, Dad, and thanks for being a great one! © 2001 by Mark Brennaman All rights reserved.  My Journey Back By Mark Brennaman October 1999 I became a victim of an unprovoked knife attack by a fellow tenant in my apartment building. I was stabbed from behind three times, one severing my outer jugular. I survived and the assailant is in prison, but this abrupt change in my life – nearly a fatal one at that – has sent me on a journey you wouldn’t believe. For one, I isolated myself from the world for two whole years, and then the nightmares started. I spent the next two years reliving the attack every day. To shave was to trigger the event. I got help, and am just now leaving a chapter behind. Post traumatic stress, good-bye! The most significant thing I learned and what helped the most is that precious memories are made in an instant and last forever. My new passions in life I will never live the life I used to have before my attack. That seems sad, but it is really a joyful time of renewal and reinvention. I have two new passions in life; to teach, and to help smokers become nonsmokers. As a result of the help I received at the VA in Oklahoma City I quit a 35-year cigarette habit more than five years ago. © 2007 by Mark Brennaman All rights reserved. |